I had a bit of a shock the other day - tell me if this has ever happened to you. We were having a wonderful day with one of our young families, including 3 very active grandkids. The location was a hike up a creek with lots of rocks & currents. It's so much fun, a wee bit challenging but I can easily do it. The hike ends at a waterfall. This year, surprisingly (because we have had so much rain) the water wasn't too deep and the falls were about 50% of the norm. We were disappointed the falls weren't at full force for swimming under, but I continued along with the kiddos, swimming in the water and just generally having a wonderful time. A few pictures were taken of us all laughing and smiling, dripping wet. This is where the shock came in -- I looked at the pics and who was standing there but my mother!
Of course it was me, but a few times a year I see a picture of myself that hits like a brick wall. I am ashamed to say how much this has been bothering me. I was telling Ian how I felt and he (being his usual very encouraging self) reminded me of how active I am still able to be, feeling good most of the time, and that I really think I'm still 35, maybe 40 tops!!! A funny story that highlights this took place about a year ago. We were watching another grandson play soccer; the family had to rush from the soccer field to another activity. I had baked a batch of cookies for them (such a grandma...I am, old I guess) so ran across a couple of fields to our car to get them. I was sprinting through the parking lot, when a young mom slowed in her car and said to me "You are amazing! You are so amazing!". I smiled and said thanks but was a bit confused. I have always been a runner, I'm slower than I used to be - what was so amazing? It was literally days later that it dawned on me that she saw this 'older' woman (in her eyes perhaps "an old lady") sprinting through a parking lot and she was impressed. Hmmm, once again reminded that I feel young, look not so young.
So, looking from the inside out, I still see the world as I always did. A place to explore and try new things. I jam every day full of activities, to the point where I'm grumbling that I barely have time to read, and am way too busy for a mostly retired person.
I still sigh when I look in a mirror and see my almost 69 year old body, or catch a glimpse of my wrinkly legs (I can thank my mom and perhaps many years of sunshine for my propensity to wrinkles). It is just something I need to accept and somehow figure out how to embrace. That may take some time. A long time. For now I will just keep looking at the world from the inside out and thinking I'm, hmmm let's go with 41😉.
Pat xo
Pat, thanks for making me smile. I too see my Mom in my photos and of course, in the mirror. I never envisioned that day because I too feel younger than I am. Surely, this must have also happened to our mothers. I think that if you haven't gotten used to it by 69, it's not gonna happen. 🤣 Which is ok, because you are really only 41.